Inexplicable items found in the Office refrigerator
Item: A single bell pepper
Item: Full jar of garlic-dill pickle spears, prominently labeled with co-worker’s name in metallic pen (three spears later unrepentantly consumed by author)
Item: Two pound bag of very tiny limes (contents of fridge scoured for presence of something that would necessitate limes, i.e., gin, vodka, or similar to no avail.)
Item: 214 packets of Hellman’s mayonnaise
Item: 5 bottles of pancake syrup
Item: Ziplock bag of diced tomatoes
Item: Two bunches of celery (per their sharpie scribbled initials, celery and tomatoes did not belong to the same co-worker, eliminating author’s original theories of “salad making”)
Item: One and one half juice bottles stripped of their original labels (and minus any other identifying marks), containing something “brown”
Item: One unopened jar cocktail olives (Author scours fridge for possible cocktails…Turns up nothing. Checks to see if olives are pimento stuffed. They aren’t. Author eats entire damn bottle anyway.)