Karla Reviews the Movies (You’ve Already Seen)
I haven’t been to the movies very much in the past few years. I used to go to the two dollar, second-run movie theater all the time. On a slow afternoon, I’d take 10 bucks and watch two or three movies in a row. And I’d still have enough for popcorn or nachos (it’s impossible for me to watch a movie without munchies). Nowadays it’s 8 bucks for a matinee, not to mention my popcorn or nachos. So I stopped going. I’d see commercials for all these movies I wanted to see, but never went.
Even when I finally got my cheap ass DVD player, I still had a huge list of “Movies I’ll eventually get around to.” But the man-friend bought me a Netflix subscription, and suddenly the list just got shorter. Woo! (I assume I don’t have to tell you how cool Netflix is? Most of their business is from their awesome and well deserved word-of-mouth. If you don’t have it, get it.) Suddenly, I am totally up to date with all the hottest films. Of two years ago.
Kill Bill Volume 2: I borrowed Volume 1 from a friend (about a year after the movie came out) and loved it. Then I just sat on my ass until a month ago, when I Netflixed V.2. Eh. I liked the first one better. I didn’t feel like any of the questions I had from the first one were answered. How am I gonna pretend to be a sword wielding, bad ass lady assassin if I don’t know how lady assassins are recruited by Bill? Or how Bill and the Bride fell in love? This is essential to my fantasy dream world. (Not that I’m itchin’ to bone David Carradine. In my version, Bill is played by Clive Owen.) But overall a good westerny, nicely violent flick. I hear it works best if you watch both movies back to back. But that would take up two spaces in my Netflix queue, and I know eventually Tarantino will come out with some big ultra-DVD with lots of extras and shit and psycho-commentary. I can wait.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: Okay, this one I feel like I waited too long to see. It was a great and interesting story, some amazing performances, and yet…I was disappointed because I figured out the twist in the first 10 minutes. It’s one of those movies I wish I could have seen with no previous knowledge. Though I would like to know exactly when Kate Winslet stole all of Helena Bonham Carter’s roles. Used to be, you need a chick in a corset, Helena was your girl. Then Kate started sneaking in to all the Merchant-Ivory films. Helena breaks out and smokes it up as a spiky haired freak in “Fight Club.” And Kate becomes the kool-aid coiffed free-spirit in “Eternal Sunshine. Seems suspicious to me. Winslet and Jim Carrey were both awesome in it, though. Kirsten Dunst sucked.
28 Days Later: 28 Days Later scared the shit out of me.
Hero: Jet Li regrets deciding to do “Romeo Must Die” instead of “Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon,” and does this instead. I could leave it at that, but Hero really is a beautiful film. Gorgeous use of color, and all the fight scenes are these amazing ballet sequences. Which means there’s no blood and very little ass kicking. It’s a pretty movie. And I totally sound like a girl, writing this. I’m gonna go fart.
Shaun of the Dead: Hey, a movie that’s somewhat recent! Cool. Like 28 Days Later with a sense of humor. And nicely British. I dug it. The extras on the DVD are cool, because they fill in all the plot holes from the movie in an amusingly British fashion. Very good, even if you don’t like horror movies.
About a Boy: And even more Brits! Less zombies in this one, unless you want to use “zombie” as a metaphor for people going through life without purpose, or fighting the demons of depression or adversity in their lives. Which I really don’t want to, as this really was a sweet, funny, poignant film. Which makes it sound like a chick flick, but it isn’t. Nick Hornby does a good job of tapping into universal bachelor mindsets. That sentence will make sense if you watch the movie. And you should. Hugh Grant plays a self-centered prick instead of a bumbling but adorable goof-ball, and he does it well.
X-Men 2: X-Men United: I really want me some mutant superpowers, that’s all I’ve got to say. I don’t need to say much about this, if you’re into the series, you’ve probably already seen it. If you’re not, you might try giving it a shot. Well done action flicks with SUPERHEROS! Oh, and note to Bryan Singer: Yes, we know you’re gay. It’s all right.
Closer: Alrighty, we’ll wrap it up with a movie that IS fairly recent. Clive Owen, Jude Law, and Queen Amidala in a thong. Nice. I leave Julia Roberts out of this because I think she’s a horse faced gum-mouth, but she didn’t annoy me in this film, and she usually does. Closer is more of a “mentally” sexy film. You can certainly see its theater roots. It IS essentially a stage play on film, but it’s a fascinating look male-female relationships. It’s interesting because you never see “the action” of the story, just the aftermath. Some of the best dialogue I’ve ever watched, wickedly clever stuff. This might sound a bit boring, but it’s one of those rare movies you can actually talk about for hours afterwards, discussing character motivation and relationships and…Okay, it still sounds boring. But quite frankly, Clive Owen is all man, and Queen Amidala is wearing a thong. Goddamn.
And now I’m off to update my Netflix Queue. What will I watch next? Tune in to find out! Or just keep checking to see when I get drunk and make an ass of myself next. I gotta get out of the house, here.