The first time I saw this, I stared wide-eyed and amazed for a full 60 seconds, before yelling to Jay in the other room, “JAY! You wanna see the most perfect rock song EVER?”
For those of you without speakers on your computer (or if you’re dying to know what those two bleeped words are), I proudly present the lyrics in their entirety:
Kid Rock: So Hott
You got a body like the devil and you smell like sex
I can tell you’re trouble but I’m still obsessed
Because you know you’re
SO HOT I wanna get you alone
SO HOT I wanna get you [stoned]
SO HOT I dont wanna be your friend
I wanna [fuck] you like I’m never gonna see you again
You’re like the kiss of death, like the hand of faith
I can tell you’re trouble but I still wanna taste
Repeat chorus 4 times, sundry “uhhh yeahs,” “nnnghs” and “yeowwws”
The entire song has a total of 41 unique words, and that includes minor words such as “the,” and “of.” For reference, research shows that the average dog knows about 165 words (some dogs understand up to 300). It is conceivable I could teach Orwell and Edison “So Hott,” and they would not only have their little faces rocked off, they would understand every word.
There are only 10 polysyllables in “So Hott” (none in the title, obviously), and there is not a single word in the entire song consisting of more than two syllables. There are only two verses, each made up of a single couplet.
This folks, is fucking ROCK EFFICIENCY.
The message is simple (“I would enjoy having intercourse with you”), the drums throb under a generic but thrilling guitar riff, and the video touches on every thing that is fantastic, and fantastically cliched, about rock music.
Warehouse fight club: Check
Strip club (possibly also in a warehouse): Check
Fireworks behind the drum set: Check
Federal agents and helicopters swooping in to break up all the rocking: Check
Kid Rock getting it on with two chicks in the back of a Lincoln: Check
Quite simply, and I am not mocking when I say this, “So Hott” might be the most perfect rock song ever. Is it reinventing the wheel? Blazing new ground in musical innovation? Of course not. But not every song needs to, you know? Christ, too many bands out there are trying way too hard anyway. Kid Rock has made a song that strippers will get into catfights over who called first dibs on it. That’s just what he does. It might be the only thing he does, but that’s beautiful.
If nothing else, give it up for the line “wanna fuck you like I’m never going to see you again.”
That’s just poetry, people.